I was in my room studying a tantric text, Key to the Precious Treasury (an exegesis on the Guhyagarbha Tantra), that we were being taught this year. The window was wide open, from which I could hear the heavy monsoon rains. It had been raining continuously for more than a month. I heard news of roads being blocked, and floods washing away fields in my country, Bhutan, and in other places as well. I hoped that my family would be safe. Suddenly, I remembered my grandmother and missed her so much wondering how she must be doing as she is old. I had been so grateful to her for shaping my life.
From the day a child is born, it should be guided gradually with care and it is that guidance which shapes the child’s life. Every individual receives guidance from their elders which inspires them in many ways and makes them choose their own lifestyle. Similarly, I was also guided by my grandparents, parents and teachers in general, since I could remember, with all their advice on the ‘dos and don’ts’. It was particularly my grandmother’s guidance that inspired me the most and showed me the way. Her name is Kata Choden and she is 77 years old. Being born in a Buddhist society she has herself the influence of faithful devotion towards Buddhism. I grew up and spent my childhood with her. During that time, she advised me and narrated stories either related to Buddhism or connected with the ways and experiences of social life. She has such inspiring information that she heard from her masters and elders.
My grandmother vaguely introduced me the Three Jewels and explained what she received from her spiritual masters about the law of cause and effect, adopting the ten virtuous and avoiding the ten non-virtuous actions, and about the suffering in the different realms, such as how beings are tormented in various hell realms and enjoy the pleasures in heavenly realms. Even though I didn’t see or experience them in reality, she managed to give some idea of such existences. She told me, therefore, to be compassionate to every sentient being. She related stories of compassionate dakinis being born in human form for the sake of beings and many other such stories, as well as folk tales which were interesting and inspiring. Even the tones with which she narrated them were influencing. Most of the stories were sad and they made my eyes fill with tears and sometimes even made me cry. I loved to listen to the way she spoke with that soft and affectionate voice. In this way she nurtured my sense of utmost motivation to think about the meaning of life. As a child, I got easily influenced by her guidance which aroused in me a sense of deep faith that caused me to renounce as a nun.
I feel fortunate to be a nun, especially to humbly be under the blessings of His Holiness Padma Norbu Rinpoche. It is like the best thing that ever happened in my life. Being a nun, with whatever difficulty I have to face, there is an equal or even more important benefit than I would have gotten had I been a lay woman. Here, I not only get opportunities to receive oral transmissions and empowerments but also to listen to and study the teachings of sutra and tantra. At a young age, I used to think that to lead a spiritual life for a girl or woman would be difficult. Yet, when we decide and have faithful motivation then it is not that hard; rather it becomes an aim of life. The condition of my grandmother’s guidance led me this far.
Had I not heard the influencing words of my grandmother, I might have been a lay woman. I might have married and if I were leading, on the one hand, a life of worldly pleasure then my fortune would get exhausted in it rather than my being benefitted; if I were suffering, on the other hand, because of worldly problems I might be wasting my precious life. In both these ways I would not see any of the benefits that I gain from being a nun. I might not have understood the nature of existence in depth and might be committing more causes of suffering. I hear many couples facing the problem of divorce these days. Who knows, even I might have come across it had I been married. Yet, I am here, free of all such worldly troubles. Should I not have to feel grateful to the one who directed me to this state? Of course, I have to.
I feel pitifully sad when I hear terrible news of girls and women becoming the victims of torture because of their own tradition, in some part of the world. There are social cultures according to which women have to stay home and are not allowed to study or participate in any social activities, let alone renouncing as a nun. Hearing about these things, I come to know how hard a life would be where there is no freedom to choose. I get fearful thinking what if I took rebirth in those places and times. This realization brightens and urges me to acquire the virtue which would prevent us from going through such suffering.
When I go for vacation, I mostly spend my time with my grandmother. Even though she is in her seventies she has experiences to be shared. I enjoy listening to her when I hear new information about their times. My friends, if you have living grandparents, you should listen to them about what they have to say about their experiences. It would be informative and influencing. Even some historians depend on the elderly to acquire information about the past because they are the ones who saw or heard things from their elders which would be impossible to collect otherwise.
Lastly, with deep devotion to the Three Jewels, I pray and dedicate all my virtue that I acquired till now for the well-being of my elders and parents, especially my grandmother as well as all sentient beings.
By Deki Yangzom
8th Year, NNNI
